Breath Taking

Ep. 033 with Jessica Fein

Today, I had the heartfelt pleasure of speaking with Jessica Fein, a remarkable woman whose memoir, Breath Taking, beautifully chronicles her journey through love, loss, and ultimately, finding peace in grief. As a fellow mother, I felt an instant connection to her story, and I knew I had to share our conversation with you all.

Jessica's journey began with the joy of motherhood, having adopted three beautiful children from Guatemala. However, her story took a poignant turn when her middle child, Dahlia, was diagnosed with a rare degenerative disease. Despite the heartache, Jessica's narrative is not just one of sorrow; it’s a celebration of life, love, and the moments that make us human.

Embracing the Complexity of Grief

Jessica shared with me that her memoir is fundamentally about her daughter’s vibrant life rather than just her death. This perspective resonated deeply with me. I often think about how important it is to keep the memory of our loved ones alive, to celebrate who they were rather than the pain of their absence. Jessica said, “The world doesn’t get to know this unbelievable person,” and through her writing, she ensures that Dahlia’s spirit shines brightly for others to see.

As a mother, I understand the fear of losing a child. It's a thought that can easily suffocate any joy in the present. Jessica reminded me that grief and joy can coexist. She beautifully articulated that the "sadness and joy danced together" at significant moments, like on the day of her wedding. This idea of intertwining grief and joy is something I cherish deeply; it reminds me that while we experience profound loss, we can also find moments of happiness and celebration.

The Impact of Loss on Relationships

Jessica’s story is layered with multiple losses, including her sister and mother. She poignantly expressed how each loss shaped her worldview and influenced her grief. “Nothing after that could ever really shock me,” she said, reflecting on the unexpected nature of her sister’s passing. I couldn’t help but think about how our shared experiences with grief often lead us to a deeper understanding of love and connection.

In the wake of loss, Jessica learned that compassion can blossom in unexpected ways. Her children, especially her sons, developed a profound empathy for others. They not only became caretakers for their sister but also learned to see beyond her disability to the vibrant person she was. This perspective is a testament to how love can flourish even in the darkest of times.

Finding Joy Amidst the Pain

One of the most inspiring aspects of Jessica’s story is how she found ways to celebrate life, even in the face of sorrow. She shared memories of turning ordinary outings into extraordinary adventures. A trip to Target became a mini celebration, reminding me that life’s small pleasures can provide respite from overwhelming grief. It’s a lesson I hold close to my heart: we can find joy in the simple things, even when life feels heavy.

Jessica emphasized the importance of integrating loss into our lives rather than simply moving on from it. She said, “We don’t get over it; we integrate it.” This approach resonates with my own journey of faith and healing. It’s about carrying our loved ones with us, allowing their memories to shape our lives positively. As mothers, we often have to remind ourselves that it’s okay to find joy again, to laugh, and to celebrate life, even when we carry our grief with us.

The Role of Community in Healing

During our conversation, I couldn’t help but notice how vital community was for Jessica. She and her husband faced the challenges of raising a child with a complex medical condition together, which is a blessing many couples don't have. Their partnership became a source of strength, a reminder that love can withstand even the most difficult trials.

Jessica’s friends also played a crucial role in her life. She mentioned how difficult it can be for others to understand the weight of her losses, yet those who truly care will be there to support you regardless. I believe this is a vital aspect of the healing process. Surrounding ourselves with people who understand our grief, or at least try to, can provide comfort and a sense of belonging.

Compassion and Empathy in Grief

We touched on the topic of empathy and how important it is when supporting others through grief. Jessica shared a poignant insight: when someone says, “I can’t imagine,” it can unintentionally create a barrier between the grieving person and their support network. Instead, she encourages us to try to empathize, to imagine what the other person is going through. This empathy can build bridges and foster deeper connections.

As I reflected on her words, I realized how vital it is for us as a community to engage with one another’s grief. We all have our battles, and while we may not fully understand each other's pain, we can offer our hearts and ears to listen. In doing so, we create a nurturing environment where healing can flourish.

Living With Intention

Jessica’s story is ultimately about living with intention, about finding meaning in our experiences and holding onto hope. She encouraged me to view loss not just as an end but as a part of a greater journey. Her perspective is a powerful reminder that while grief can feel insurmountable, it can also lead us to a deeper appreciation for life and love.

In our conversation, Jessica said something that struck a chord with me: “You only have to find joy in the little things.” This simple yet profound statement encapsulates the essence of finding peace amidst grief. As a mother, I strive to cultivate an environment of love and joy for my children, even as I navigate my own grief.

Conclusion: A Legacy of Love

Jessica Fein’s journey through grief is one of resilience, love, and hope. Her memoir, Breath Taking, serves not only as a tribute to her daughter but also as an invitation for all of us to reflect on our experiences with loss and to find ways to celebrate life amidst the heartache.

As I left our conversation, I felt a renewed sense of purpose: to cherish the moments I have with my loved ones, to honor those I’ve lost, and to embrace the joy that life offers, even in the face of sorrow. I hope that by sharing Jessica's story, I can encourage you to find your own peace in grief and to celebrate the beautiful, complex journey of motherhood.

In the words of Jessica, “Let grief be a bridge.” May we all find the courage to walk that bridge together, hand in hand, heart to heart.