Ep. 029 with Reese Zahner

Finding Peace in Grief: Lessons from Reese Zahner

As I reflect on my journey through grief, I am reminded of the profound wisdom shared by Reese Zahner, a talented poet and author. Reese's experiences resonate deeply with me, especially as she navigates the loss of her beloved mother, Candace, to Alzheimer's disease. Her story is not just one of sorrow; it is a testament to the beauty of kindness, the complexity of emotions, and the importance of community support during our darkest times.

Embracing Kindness in Grief

Reese's perspective on kindness struck a chord with me. She emphasizes that kindness is not only an innate quality but also a conscious choice we can all make. In moments of deep grief, it can be easy to retreat into ourselves, overwhelmed by sorrow. Yet, Reese illustrates that by choosing to be kind, we can connect with the essence of our loved ones. In her case, when she acts with kindness, she feels a sense of communion with her mother’s spirit—a beautiful reminder that love transcends death.

As a Christian, I believe that embodying kindness is a way to honor the legacies of those we’ve lost. It is accessible to everyone, regardless of their circumstances. Whether we are comforting a friend in need or simply offering a smile to a stranger, these small acts of kindness can create ripples of hope in a world often overshadowed by grief.

The Journey of Anticipatory Grief

Reese's journey began when her mother received her diagnosis. At just 21 years old, she was thrust into a world of anticipatory grief, a term that describes the feelings of sorrow experienced before a loss occurs. This experience was foreign to her peers, who were navigating their own young adult lives, largely untouched by such profound loss.

Through her story, I learned the significance of community support during this time. Reese was fortunate to have understanding professors and mentors who recognized her struggle and offered flexibility and compassion. They reminded me of the importance of surrounding ourselves with people who are willing to walk alongside us in our grief journey—those who can help ease the path, even if they cannot fix our pain.

The Role of Rituals in Healing

One of the critical points Reese raises is the absence of rituals in modern grieving practices. In previous generations, mourning was often accompanied by communal rituals that allowed people to process their grief collectively. Today, however, we often lack these structures, leading to feelings of isolation.

As Christians, we have the opportunity to create our own rituals—whether through prayer, memorial services, active participation in a church community or simply gathering with loved ones to share stories and memories. These acts can help us honor our loved ones and facilitate healing. I find comfort in knowing that I can create spaces for remembrance, allowing both myself and others to grieve together.

Navigating the Complexity of Emotions

Reese shares the complex emotional landscape that accompanies grief. It’s not a straightforward path; we experience a range of feelings, from deep sadness to fleeting moments of joy. This complexity is often misunderstood in society, where certain emotions are labeled as "good" or "bad." Reese encourages us to embrace the full spectrum of feelings that come with loss.

As a Christian, I find solace in the belief that it is okay to feel pain and sadness. God invites us to bring our burdens to Him, allowing us to experience healing through our vulnerability. By acknowledging our emotions, we open ourselves to the possibility of peace amidst the storm.

Finding Safe Spaces

Reese talks about the importance of identifying "safe people" in our lives—those who can hold space for us without judgment. These individuals are willing to engage in meaningful conversations about our loved ones, allowing us to share our memories and feelings freely.

In my own life, I have been blessed to have friends and family members who offer this kind of support. They remind me that sharing my grief does not burden them; instead, it deepens our connection. By creating an environment where open dialogue about loss is encouraged, we can help each other heal.

Generational Perspectives on Grief

Reese touches on the generational differences in how we approach grief. Older generations often felt pressure to suppress their emotions, leading to a culture where discussing loss was taboo. In contrast, today’s society is beginning to recognize the importance of open conversations about grief.

Through her poetry, Reese demonstrates through a very powerful medium that vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. She has been able to explore a wide range of emotions through the written word that resonates deeply within me. By sharing our stories of loss and love, we create opportunities for healing—not only for ourselves but also for others. We can break the cycle of silence and encourage future generations to embrace their emotions openly.

The Challenge of Superficial Conversations

In our discussion, Reese also critiques the superficial nature of common greetings like "How are you?" Often, people ask this question expecting a vague, positive response. However, this can leave those who are grieving feeling unsupported and isolated.

Instead, Reese advocates for more intentional language, suggesting we ask, "How are you managing?" This subtle shift invites deeper conversations and allows individuals to share their authentic experiences. As Christians, we can strive to be more mindful in our interactions, creating opportunities for genuine connection.

Finding Peace Through Kindness

Ultimately, Reese Zahner's story is one of resilience and hope. Despite the challenges of grief, she has found peace through her mother’s legacy of kindness and her commitment to honoring that legacy. Her journey encourages us all to embrace kindness, cultivate community, and engage in meaningful conversations about loss. 

In my own life, I strive to embody these lessons. I aim to be a source of comfort for others, offering support and kindness in their times of need. By doing so, I not only honor the memory of those I’ve lost but also contribute to a culture that embraces vulnerability and connection.

As I continue my journey through grief, I hold onto the belief that kindness is a powerful tool for healing. By sharing our stories, honoring our loved ones, and supporting one another, we can find peace amid the pain and create a legacy of love that transcends even the deepest losses.