Losing My Parents As a Teen

Ep. 036 with Margaret Vidmar & Marci Smith

Today, I had the profound opportunity to sit down with two remarkable women, Margaret Vidmar and her niece, Marcy Smith. Their shared experiences of love, loss, and the enduring power of family resonate deeply with anyone who has faced the challenge of grief. As we talked, I was reminded of how faith can guide us through even the darkest times, and how the bonds of family can provide solace and strength.

The Foundation of Love

Margaret, a longtime friend of mine, shared her life story growing up in a large family with seven sisters and two brothers. She emphasized the strong faith instilled by her wonderful parents, which became a guiding light in her life. However, Margaret also shared the pain of losing two sisters: Glenna, who died of breast cancer, and Virginia, Marcy's mother, who tragically passed away in a car accident. These experiences profoundly influenced her perspective on life and family.

Marcy, who grew up in Southeast Idaho as the second of seven children, recounted a joyful childhood filled with cherished memories. Despite the trauma of losing her mother at just 15 and her father shortly before graduating high school, she expressed gratitude for the stability and love she experienced during her formative years. Marcy noted how her siblings might have different perspectives regarding their childhood, shaped by the early losses they faced.

The Impact of Loss

Our conversation delved into the different manifestations of grief. Marcy explained that while she had a strong foundation of support from her parents, her younger siblings faced greater challenges after their loss. The sudden death of her father compounded her experience of losing her mother, leaving her feeling unprepared for such profound sorrow.

Both women shared their feelings of anger and resentment in the face of grief. Marcy confessed to feeling jealousy when witnessing others with their mothers, recognizing it as an unreasonable reaction. On the other hand, Margaret discussed her initial anger towards God after Virginia's death. However, she ultimately found solace in prayer and faith, realizing that despair is a choice.

Remembering Loved Ones

As our discussion shifted to memories of Virginia, the qualities that made her special came to light. Margaret described her sister as vivacious, adventurous, and a loving figure who significantly impacted her younger siblings' lives. Marcy echoed this sentiment, recalling her mother as a calm, supportive presence who was always there for her and her siblings.

The loss of Virginia not only affected Margaret and Marcy but also changed the broader family dynamic. Margaret emphasized the importance of family gatherings, which her mother fostered, as a means to maintain connections and support one another in times of grief.

Finding Joy Amidst Grief

A poignant moment arose when Margaret recounted her mother’s resilience following the deaths of her daughters. Despite her pain, she found ways to experience joy again, particularly through her grandchildren. This idea resonated with both women, as they acknowledged the struggle of reconciling grief with the ability to find happiness.

Marcy articulated her fears regarding her own family, particularly the prospect of losing her husband and the potential pain it would cause her children. She discussed her constant prayers for a long life for her family, highlighting her desire to protect her children from the heartbreak she experienced.

Building Relationships and Community

The significance of strong familial relationships in navigating grief emerged as a central theme. Marcy credited her parents for instilling a sense of family value in her, providing a support network during difficult times. These relationships were crucial in helping her cope with her parents' deaths.

Margaret expressed a sense of responsibility towards her nieces and nephews, especially after losing her sisters. She acknowledged her desire to maintain family connections and gather loved ones, inspired by her mother’s example. Despite feelings of guilt for not doing enough, Marcy reassured her that her presence has been felt and appreciated.

Conclusion

In our candid exchange, we highlighted the complexities of grief, the importance of family bonds, and the journey towards finding joy again after loss. Margaret and Marcy’s stories illustrate how shared experiences can foster resilience, understanding, and love within families, even amidst the pain of losing cherished loved ones.

Through their reflections, they offer insights into the power of faith, the necessity of community, and the beauty of nurturing relationships that provide strength in the face of adversity. As we navigate our own journeys through grief, let us remember the importance of connection and the enduring love that can shine through even the darkest times.